and why you need both in your life
I did not want to write this week’s article. I wanted to skip writing this for a million reasons, all of them valid, but none of them worth it. I have absolutely no scientific evidence to back this up (though I feel pretty confident that there is scientific evidence out there to back this up), but month three is a transformational moment for a behavior. Month three is when the brain decides to either discard the behavior into a corner of the mind or turn it into a ritual.
This intersection is crucial because it marks the point where the behavior becomes monotonous. The mind starts to wander, and the dreaded “what’s next?” thought intrusively crashes in.
Or the more dreadful, “How can I take this to the next level?”
Or the most sinister, “Is there more I could be doing?”
Or maybe that’s just me.
But I swear, it’s not my fault, it’s the way we are all conditioned to view progress.
Perfectionism creep will crush your discipline (and your spirit)
Quantitatively. Life never gets easier; we just get better at carrying the weight. After all, these goals are set to make our lives better. To make us feel good. Think about most goals people set for themselves:
Exercise three times a week
Wake up at six am on every weekday
Lower screen time to less than three hours a day
Read five books in a month
Journal for 30 minutes every day
Gain 100 subscribers by the end of October (ps: hello to all 114 of you, that’s insane, thank you for being here <3)
What happens when I reach the goal? Well, I set another one. One more complex and intricate than the last. I’ve reached 100 subscribers earlier than I expected. Let’s see if I can hit 500 by the end of the year. I read five books this month. I wonder if I can read seven this month? I went to 3 workout classes this week. I bet I can go to 5 next week.
Goal creep. The idea is that because I’m doing something well, I need to add a new variable to challenge myself. Then, before I realize it, my goals feel too big, the ritual too demanding, the temptation to quit too enticing.
Rituals are not meant to be tasks on a checklist. They’re meant to serve us, not the other way around.
If discipline is the eldest daughter, persistence is her younger sister
I had a jam-packed weekend comprised of multiple two-hour car rides, 10+ hours on my feet per day, and an insane amount of mental and emotional labor. Not to mention that it’s still 90 degrees during the third week of October, and it’s becoming very hard to romanticize fall in these conditions.
Here’s how I see it.
Discipline is the eldest daughter—virtuous, thought-provoking, silently miserable in a cool and mysterious way. It’s staying up late with your laptop and a cup of tea to finish the draft of your article. Gift wrap the handmade gift for your friend. Beating the sun to rise in the morning to journal. Ordering custom stickers and flyers for your author event.
Which makes persistence her younger sister—messier, infinitely louder, and not nearly as alluring. It’s posting your article a day late because you were too tired from your weekend to stay up late and write. Rethreading your sewing needle for the 15th time to finish the handmade gift. Deciding to wake up early in the morning to do yoga despite going to bed late. Needing to remake your flyers the night before your event because your stickers are delayed and your flyers were advertising the stickers.
How can an eldest daughter be the eldest without her little sister?
Discipline cannot exist without persistence. Discipline requires long-term devotion. Persistence requires humility to show up imperfectly. Both require the strength to not abandon the vision.
If you’re doing everything well, are you doing anything well?
Now, diva, I’m not saying to drop every rigorous goal you’ve set for yourself. What I am saying is that you can’t do everything well all the time.
One instinct I’ve cultivated throughout my professional career is knowing when to get something done and when to get something done well. Persistence vs. Discipline. Humility vs. Devotion. Not everything can be your best work.
Life will get in the way. Let it.
You’ll use all of Wednesday to prepare for your event. Enjoy hosting smutty book club on Thursday. Go antiquing with your mom and best friend on Friday. Drive two hours to your husband’s hometown for your first author event on Saturday. Take your Sunday leisurely by not rushing back out the door. Spend your Monday breaking in your new sewing machine. Forget that you’re supposed to publish your newsletter on Tuesday.
Instead of crashing out and waiting until next Tuesday because I made a rule that I must post every Tuesday, I’ll post on Wednesday. The article will get done. I’ll still keep my goal of publishing one a week through the end of the year. And the world will keep spinning, because it’s actually not that deep.
After all, I’m in charge here.
Think About It
Fall is the perfect time to examine your relationship with the idea of growth. This article helped redefine my units of measurement, especially during a season that encourages rest and hibernation:
The following prompts give you, diva, the opportunity to muse throughout your week:
Where are you seeing incremental goal creep?
What 1-3 goals are the most important for you to reach by the end of the year?
What areas of your life require more persistence?
How do they connect to your top 1-3 goals?
If you’re feeling brave, share your musing via a comment ❤
This space is built in the margins of my full-time job. “Buy Me a Coffee” is my virtual tip jar, helping sustain the writing (and the writer) behind it.
Authored By Alyssa 
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